Aunt Ida was upset! I’ve seen grown men run when she gets upset! Her finger was shaking in my face. I began to get a little bit worried about her; her fat face was starting to become pretty red.

Then, the loose skin on her arm picked up the shaking from her finger, and the skin started to waggle back and forth.

Soon, her voice got so loud, that people way over in the produce section of the supermarket were starting to get a little bit nervous. A lot of those people were getting ready to leave. They were right to fear that woman!

And Ida wasn’t about to let me get away from her. I started backing away, and she turned to follow me. Her wide, agitated body turned right into that great big stack of jars of pickled tomatoes. She knocked them flying! They broke, and they slid all over the canned goods aisle.

Aunt Ida’s left foot found an especially juicy pickled tomato and she was going down! At the same time, I found two of those slippery suckers, and down I went too!

The last thing I remember before I lost consciousness, was her yelling at the top of her lungs!

“And I can’t believe that they send fishing lawyers out to sea, just to see how many fish they can get!”

I wearily replied, “That’s fishing trawlers they send out to sea; Not fishing lawyers, Aunt Ida!”

And then happily, I passed out… Over by the canned tripe.

I have to tell you that sometimes my stories seem to write themselves. Even I was surprised at the crazy behavior of Aunt Ida!

I’ve found that bats make lousy pets!
That is said by expert vets.

Bats don’t look like a bird or a rock.
They look much more like a flying fox.

Bats don’t smile or make a frown,
And they even like sleeping upside down.

And bats don’t like to watch TV,
Their sight is bad, and they can barely see.

Bats like to hang from a cave or a beam.
And when they wake up, it’s with a scream!

Don’t use live bats in a baseball game.
Not all bats will hit the same.

You cannot teach bats how to fetch,
It’s only bugs they like to catch.

You cannot take bats to the lake,
They cannot swim, for heaven’s sake.

If bats tried to drive your bike or car,
They wouldn’t get too very far.

You cannot sleep with bats in bed,
at night they’d fly around your head.

And in the morning when you’re wide awake,
They’ll want to sleep, and snore-sounds make.

You cannot walk them to your school,
They have to fly, and it’s against the rules.

Of course a bat would think it rude,
If you were to offer one your food.

They can be trained to sniff out drugs,
If you put some drugs on the backs of bugs.

And bats would make scary policemen,
Most women would scream whenever they see one.

You can’t fly a bat on a doggy leash,
They will gnaw it off with their sharp teeth.

You cannot take bats to a mall,
Or to any public place at all.

In malls, bats will get easily lost.
And do you know what bat clothes cost?!

He cannot shout back when you call,
Cause’ you can’t hear his calls at all.

So bats are better off with bats,
And that’s the very end of that!

Every day as I get a bit older,
I find that I get a bit bolder.

I don’t need to look over my shoulder,
I am not afraid!

If people stop and stare a bit,
I don’t even care a bit.

They can stare until they’re tired of it.
I am not afraid!

Some folks fear the flu that’s here.
And inside they run away.

But I say nay! I won’t run away!
I’ll Live to Fight another day!

This is a declaration of defiance. Some folks are afraid. Covid tried to change our way of life in America. The enemies who created it intended it to be that way here. But we are strong in this country, and we are re-constructing our lives the way they were before. America can stand up to anything!

I went to her house
with candy and flowers.
But the candy didn’t work,
and the flowers
lost their power;
cause’ she broke a tooth on the candy,
and got stung by a bee.

Yeah, I loved her,
But she didn’t love me.
I went away crying,
“Poor pitiful me!”

One day I talked her
Into going swimming.
The water was fine,
And so was she.

But she caught me a’ drooling
Over other women.
So, she hauled off and hit me
with a sticker tree!

Yeah, I loved her,
But she didn’t love me.
So she left me a’ crying!
Poor pitiful Me!

This is a piece I wrote about a man who did not have a clue about the proper way to treat a woman. First, you cannot be careless with a woman. You have to protect her from unexpected dangers. And when you are with her, give her your undivided attention. But it really doesn’t look like that guy is going to learn these things anytime soon; not from that girl he won’t!

The day I turned my car into a submarine was an overcast day, but warm, in Wilmington, NC, around 1976. I had my first car. It was a foreign car that was a little small; it was called an Opal Cadet. It was a forest green color. I think five people could barely squeeze into it.

My friends from across the street decided that wanted to go to an old mill in the country outside of Wilmington just to have a look around. So, five of us crammed into my car. I popped the clutch and away we went. We got outside of the city and the pavement ended and a dirt road began.

Just as it began, I saw a very long mud puddle in the road. It looked to be about 100 feet long, So I stopped the car before we roared into it. Then I asked one of the guys to take a long stick and walk into the very middle of it and tell me how deep the water was by the water line on the stick.

Then I turned around and started talking to my friends again. Well, I didn’t know it, but he only went 10 feet into the puddle. Then he showed me about a foot water line on the stick. I Figured I’d be OK if I plowed my way through the water to get to the other side of the puddle and to find the old mill.

So I reared up the engine, popped the clutch and away we went into the depths of what I thought must have been a long mud puddle. We got to about the middle of it, and the engine died…

All we could hear were the sounds of the chirping insects around us. Then I did the stupidest thing you could do in that situation. I opened the door! The water came pouring in, and it poured into the back seat where my cramped friends were screaming their heads off!

We all managed to quickly get out of the car: And it sank up to the windshield wiper blades!
So, we just stood there in the water all astonished!

Then I got my wits back, and we pushed the car back out onto the dirt road. From what it turned out to have been, a part of a swamp; not a mud puddle. We were all praying like crazy that the car would start. So, as a show of faith, we all got back into the car. That little old Opal Cadet’s engine fired right up! I turned that little tank around, and soon we were on our way back home. Wetter, but wiser. That was the last time I tried to go to that old mill. And it was the day that my car turned into a submarine!

Grandpa wasn’t famous, and you would not know his name.
But if you ever knew him, you would never be the same.
For grandpa had a secret, and he seemed to understand.
How to live a happy life and to be a trusted man.

“Come here, please grandson, and sit down in that chair.
I’ve heard about your marriage, and I know there’s trouble there.
But I’ve learned a solution that I want you to hear.
If you do what I did with grandma; Your wife won’t shed a tear.

When your marriage has a problem; You always have a choice.
You can make it worse by shouting, or just lower your voice.
Then take your lady by the hand, and tell her not to fear.
Say these simple words to her; And give her your listening ear.”

“Say what you’re wanting to say, I’ll hear what you need me to hear.”
“Even if your skies are grey, and your troubles are severe.”
When my marriage has its troubles, I know what she needs to hear.
So, I’ll take my lady by the hand; And give her my listening ear.

Eternal Bliss will always follow.

Mr. James Woebegone Dagger sat in his office, contemplating his next move. He then called for his secretary to bring him the file on the Johnsbury case. He was really looking forward to foreclosing on this deal. He had them on the hook and all he had to do now was to reel them in.

James kicked back in his expensive chair and put his feet up on his antique Louis the Fourteenth style of desk. He was big in every way. At the age of 57, he stood at 6 foot four and weighed about 275 pounds. He wore the style of sleek grey expensive suit that was typically known as a ‘sharkskin suit’. His hair was iron gray, and his face was round, with a bulbous nose and a small mustache that was carefully shaped over full lips.

His doctor had repeatedly warned him to give up his lavish and calorie laden meals. But James knew better. He suspected that the doctor was just stringing him along with excess Dr. visits to line his own pockets. At least, James thought, that’s what he would do.

The Johnsbury Group had just found out that they had bought a high-rise office building from James using the sneaky lawyer’s own company to finance them. The evil lawyer took their down payment money for his high-rise office building that he sold them. Then, using a shell corporation, who would pretend to finance them and never intended to do so, he pulled out of the deal. Then he took their down payment of a million dollars away from them. That was because they were unable to get financing anywhere else either, so he was able to foreclose on his helpless victims. He just ate them up! This little maneuver made James a quick million dollars.

James’s secretary interrupted his scheming, with a phone call that came from a very distraught Nathan Johnsbury. From the man’s screaming into the phone, it was obvious to lawyer Dagger that Nathan and Company were now feeling the sting from James’s stealthy assault, and the outright theft of their money. Then he grinned a self-satisfied grin.

But something was wrong! He couldn’t feel the left side of his body anymore. Then he had a sudden, wrenching headache that caused his vision to go dark. Then, the powerful but callous man, died a well-deserved death.

But that was not all there was for James… He found himself in a long, dark tunnel with light at the far end of it. His body was rushing toward the light at a profoundly fast speed. Suddenly, everything seemed to stop. Then he felt as if he were totally wrapped in a muscle, he was being squeezed out of something.

He experienced a great shock, when he realized that he was being ejected out of something. He was now in a cool, and dimly lit watery world. James had been holding his breath, because he was afraid to try to breathe. But finally, he was forced to take his first breath, and he was amazed to find that he could actually breathe underwater.

As he looked around him, he could see that there were other shapes closely packed around him. Then, they began to scatter. And he could better see their shape. They were perfectly formed sharks. Then with a shock, he realized that he must be one too!

“What an irony!” He thought.

“It must be true! Lawyers who act like sharks who feed on helpless victims, must be reincarnated to become merciless sharks who feed on helpless victims!

“It’s True!” He marveled!

  So began the life of James Woebegone Dagger, as a great white shark.

Ten years passed by. James really put on the pounds. He was now eight feet long and he weighed about 500 pounds. His eating-machine ways had all but erased the memory of his former life, Now, he was one big, and fearless killer. He was top of the food chain and a king of the Oceans.

He was following a school of fish one day off the coast of Florida. He saw several lures with delicious looking food and fish-hooks dangling enticingly in the water. His old human memory told him not to bite on them, because there was danger there. He was not exactly sure about what kind of danger; But, he remembered enough to stay away from the enticing lures.

Then, something inside him excited him, and he decided to investigate a large dark shadow in the water. The closer he got to it, the more excited he became. He decided to surface and have a look around. What he saw stupefied him and agitated him at the same time!

Some hidden memories rushed up to the surface of his mind. he saw, “What was it?… People?”

Then he submerged and his head came up out of the water near the back end of the… “What was it?… Boat?”

James the shark had once seen an orca whale pop his head above the water and have a look around. So, he did that. There was a man standing on a platform at the back of the boat who was helping to land a large sailfish that was tangled in a fishing net.

When James popped his head up a few feet from him, the man was so startled that he fell off the platform and right into the water beside the scary shark. This startled James too, and he swam very quickly away from the boat. But while in flight, he noticed that he had seen the face of the man in the water before.

Suddenly, it came back to him… It was the face of Nathan Johnsbury! He raced back to the man’s side, and he discovered that the man had become fouled in the netting used to capture the swordfish. He was drowning! The huge creature swam away while he tried to understand the feelings that were welling up inside of him.

Then it all became clear to James the great white shark.

“I died while I was hurting this man. What I did was wrong. I was punished for that, and for many other sins by dying, and then being reincarnated as a shark. Now, I have to rescue this man to make up for the bad life that I led… But if I do, I might get tangled up in the net too, and eventually I might just suffocate and die…

Now it’s all or nothing! I choose all. Maybe in this way I can make up for some of the suffering I have caused, during my life as a lawyer.”

With this thought firmly in his mind, James again raced back to the side of the man who was hopelessly tangled in the net, and was slowly sinking deeper into the sea. James pushed his slightly pointed nose into Nathan’s belly, and he started swimming back up to the surface. By the time he reached the air, he was tangled in the netting too. But he didn’t care. He was determined to save the man, and nothing could have stopped him… Not even death itself!

The men on the boat thought that the shark was trying to eat Nathan, so they pulled him to safety, they cut him out of the net, and began to resuscitate him.

Nathan sputtered back to life. Then the men turned their attention to the evil shark that had tried to eat him. One of them had a gun, and five bullets in the brain took care of that mean old shark!

While James slowly sank to the bottom of the ocean, the men reasoned, that they may have lost a fine net. But they sure taught that shark a lesson!

Now, James found himself back in that long tunnel with the light at the end. He wondered where he would be born now? Would he be squeezed out of the belly of a snake? Then be doomed to crawl in the dust for the rest of his life? Or would he be a sneaky weasel, always hiding to eat and hiding to avoid being eaten?

“After what I did to Johnsbury and the others that I tricked into making me rich; I do deserve such a fate!”

His thinking was interrupted, when suddenly, he felt himself being squeezed again. This time he heard a baby cry, and he was shocked to discover that the sound was coming from him!!

my listening ear.

Eternal Bliss will always follow.